When the Holidays Feel Heavy: Giving Yourself Permission to Feel It All

The holiday season has a way of stirring up emotions we didn’t expect. One moment we’re laughing; the next, we feel a lump in our throat. We’re surrounded by celebration, yet something inside us feels tender, complicated, or even broken.

This time of year shines a bright light on contrasting emotions:

Joy… yet sadness.
Connection… yet loneliness.
Excitement… yet heaviness.

And perhaps the hardest part is the pressure we put on ourselves:
“I should feel grateful… but I actually feel overwhelmed.”
“I should feel festive… but I’m just tired.”
“I should be happy… but my heart hurts.”

These paradoxes don’t make you ungrateful, negative, or dramatic.
They make you human.

Grief Feels Louder This Time of Year

The holidays amplify absence.
Whether the loss is recent or years old, the empty chair at the table feels sharper, the silence more pronounced. We feel the weight of loved ones we lost—parents, partners, friends, relatives, pets who were family.

Grief doesn’t disappear because the calendar says it’s a season of joy.
Sometimes, this is the season when it echoes the loudest.

The End of the Year Brings Reflection… and Sometimes Regret

As the year winds down, our minds wander:

• Did I do enough?

• Should I have taken the leap sooner?

• Why didn’t I reach that goal?

• What could I have done differently?

Reflection is powerful, but it can also trigger self-criticism if we’re not careful.

The truth?
You did the best you could with the capacity, understanding, and strength you had in each moment. Reflection is meant to guide us, not punish us.

Giving Yourself Permission to Feel

Let this be your reminder:

You are allowed to feel joy and sorrow.
You are allowed to feel grateful and exhausted.
You are allowed to celebrate and mourn.

There is no “right” emotional combination for the holidays.

SEL teaches us that emotional complexity is not a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of awareness. Your feelings are not problems to fix; they are signals to honor.

Self-Care Isn’t a Luxury—It’s a Lifeline

During this season, simple acts of self-care matter more than ever:

• Rest without guilt

• Say no without explanation

• Create boundaries that protect your peace

• Spend time with people who nourish you

• Step outside for one full breath

• Let yourself cry if you need to

• Celebrate small wins

• Honor the memories that matter

Caring for yourself is not selfish.
It’s how you stay whole.

A New Year, A New Invitation

As the year draws to a close, take a moment to ask yourself:

What do I want?
Where do I want to go?
Who am I becoming?
What do I want to feel more of in the new year?

Let gratitude ground you.
Let hope guide you.
Let courage whisper, “I am ready for this next chapter.”

Because you are.
Even if you're still healing.
Even if you're still figuring it out.
Even if you're still carrying a mix of emotions.

A new year doesn’t demand perfection—it offers permission.
Permission to begin again.
Permission to grow at your own pace.
Permission to feel it all and keep moving forward.

Final Thought

If the holidays feel heavy this year, you’re not alone.
If your emotions feel messy or mixed, they’re valid.
And if you’re holding grief in one hand and hope in the other, that is a brave and beautiful place to be.

Here’s to a year ahead filled with gentleness, growth, and grace.
May you feel surrounded by love—your own, and the love of those who walk beside you, even from beyond.